Magic Hunt at MFing Aokigahara

[disorder_heaven]

The fact that Urushihara had a keen eye for patterns and trends was one of his less appreciated skills. As one of the war generals in Demon King Satan's army, it made his division highly feared and nearly unstoppable.

Here, it had gotten him something more along the lines of a snarky comment from Ashiya. "About time," or something like that. Hard to tell. Urushihara hadn't really been listening.

Either way, upon Urushihara's elaboration regarding the Suicide Forest, Ashiya had grown more and more uncertain. Eventually comments about warning signs and body sweeps deteriorated into snide remarks about cell phones failing to work and the pitch blackness that came with noon.

A bowl of miso soup full of something-whatever beta took care of the bitching, but Ashiya managed to come out of the bathroom just long enough to lob a thick volume of Maou's favourite manga at the back of Urushihara's head. So, when Maou returned home from his long, hard day at MgRonald's, it would be to the sight of Urushihara on the ground and Ashiya in the bathroom groaning dramatically.

Just another day at the Devil's Castle.

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[disorder_heaven]

Somehow, Urushihara felt as though he'd lost. He let the piece cook for a little longer, bewildered, before dipping it into the sauce alongside Maou's and finally eating it. He chewed quietly, wondering how they were supposed to explain today to Ashiya, and what the hell was on Maou's mind.

[mickeyd_emon]

Maou's thoughts drifted along a hopeful track. This outing was ending much better than he expected not twenty minutes ago. He thanked his lucky, self-motivated stars he had gone through with this, rather than let them both mope back at the apartment. Beyond a passing worry that Ashiya would still be sick when they returned, though, his top advisor wasn't really on his mind. For once, the only plans the Demon King was making was how best to do this again. He was here, in this moment, wondering how long it would take the coals to ignite the whole length of a chopstick if he stuck it through the grill.

You know, the important questions.

And, perhaps, Urushihara felt as though he'd lost because Maou had planned to let him take the beef from the start.

"Y'know," Maou began thoughtfully, "I'm startin' to think we need to invest in one o' these for the Devil's Castle."

[disorder_heaven]

"What, actual food?" Urushihara muttered, poking at a piece of cooking intestine he wasn't sure he actually wanted with the tip of one chopstick. "I agree."

He knew Maou meant the grill, of course, but it wasn't like they had much to grill except broccoli stalks and bean sprouts.

"Maybe that's why I'm just so weak and delicate and tired. I'm anemic. Need more red meat. Tell Ashiya."

[mickeyd_emon]

"Yeah. Weak an' delicate. That's totally what you are," Maou said. He airily waved his chopsticks around as he continued, "I'll pass on your dying message."

[disorder_heaven]

"Yes, I die of starvation and anemia and you tell Ashiya my dying message is, "I'm hungry. Buy better food." No, I don't want that to be my dying message to Ashiya. If I die, you get tell Ashiya to take his fat head and stick--"

It was perhaps lucky that a piece of rice chose that moment to go down the wrong pipe, causing him to choke and cut himself off.

[mickeyd_emon]

Maou stared a moment, brow pinched. "Jeez man, I know you wanna tell Ashiya off, but don't die yet."

He showed clear concern when Urushihara was lying prone on the ground, but apparently choking to death wasn't enough to warrant much sympathy.

[disorder_heaven]

Urushihara swallowed hard, tears in his eyes.

"Ma-an, fuck you..."

There was no real malice behind it. Mostly because it was hard to be intimidating when you'd just choked on a single grain of rice.

[mickeyd_emon]

Maou sent a why tho look across the table. "I did say to not inhale it . . ."

His expression could have been mistaken for concern, but it seemed more like mild consternation. If his subordinate was going to choke, Maou didn't want it to be on rice.

[disorder_heaven]

"Shuddup. I live with Ashiya. If you don't eat fast, you don't eat."

And that was just when Urushihara got called to the table to begin with. He didn't doubt that he'd missed many meals.

[mickeyd_emon]

"Point," Maou mumbled around a mouthful of rice. He swallowed and continued airily, tossing a compromise up in the air.

"I'll see if I can't get Ashiya to budge the budget a bit for meat. Considerin' I've tried before, no promises."

[disorder_heaven]

"Worse comes to worse I can always buy some online."

Ashiya would neeever have to know.

[mickeyd_emon]

Eyes lowered, Maou pointed his chopsticks at Urushihara. "N--" He fumbled them and lifted his left hand to seriously point instead.

"No." Maou finally said. His tone was like that of an owner reprimanding a dog. "Next thing you know the doorbell rings an' your legs're asleep again. You'd be boned."

[disorder_heaven]

"Ugh, man, you guys don't let me do anything."

Then again, one did have to wonder why Urushihara bothered buying games for his PS Vita. Ashiya had a nasty tendency to hide the damn console, anyway.

[mickeyd_emon]

"Come up with better ideas, and I'll consider 'em," Maou said, nearly noncommittal. A beat later, he fixed Urushihara with a grimace. "No, really. Please do. I'd like t' have this more often too, y'know."

[disorder_heaven]

"Hackin', then," Urushihara chimed in a sing-song voice. "I'll get us an online account, proxy myself into some shit, convert, and there we go."

He would think of something, but chances were high that even if Maou didn't disregard them, Ashiya would.

[mickeyd_emon]

"Uh . . ." Maou stared a moment, lost. "Y'know, you bein' a whiz at this stuff doesn't make any o' that not gibberish."

[disorder_heaven]

"Use internet, get money."

Maybe if he dumbed it down that much, Maou would let it slide. If worse came to worse, at least he was still technically Maou's dependent.

[mickeyd_emon]

"So theft." Maou was not impressed. "You gonna get caught?"

[disorder_heaven]

"Have I gotten caught yet?" Urushihara's face indicated neither offense nor concern.

[mickeyd_emon]

"No, but we shouldn't risk it unless we need it. I'd rather not you get carted off in cuffs." Maou shrugged. "Just take it easy on the creative money making."

Yes, that was indeed permission to break the law. In small amounts.

[disorder_heaven]

"Man, I can't do anything, can I?" Urushihara let out a long, drawn-out sigh. "Can't leave the house but I can't do anything from inside the house, either. So then I get yelled at for sitting around doing nothing. Or literally anything else."

He gave Maou a pathetic, miserable look.

"What am I allowed to do, man?"

[mickeyd_emon]

"You can play your games from time t' time. Net shop. Do your computer thing," Maou said plainly, as if Ashiya didn't try to stop all of the above most of the time. His face scrunched up as he struggled to come up with more options.

"You could . . . blog?"

[disorder_heaven]

"Yeah, blog. "Demon General / Fallen Angel Mercenary for Hire. Will accept pizza, Jungle.co credit, and any Earth denomination." That'll go over well."

He snorted and flopped a piece of meat off the grill and directly into the saucer of liquid, where not enough remained for it to actually splash. Then he popped it into his mouth with his fingers.

[mickeyd_emon]

"Nah, I meant like . . . a web diary. Talk about your day an' feelings 'n junk." Maou spoke around a mouthful of rice as he continued, "Chi said it's all the rage with the kids these days. But hey, your idea's good too."

For getting a following of Dark'ness Dementias, anyway.

[disorder_heaven]

"I don't do anything most days. Wake up, find food, fuck around on the web, and go back to sleep. I'm not allowed to leave our one-room apartment. How much interesting shit do you think happens in one day?"

He scoffed, tapping a fingertip into a droplet of sauce on the table and sticking it into his mouth.